(bg:black)[Football.]
(bg:black)[The British Game.]
(bg:black)[The Battle of the Ball.]
(bg:black)[The War of the Chequered Sphere.]
(bg:black)[The Most Dangerous Game.]
(bg:black)[The Anti-Tennis]
(bg:black)[Football.]
(bg:black)[[[Continue->Kickoff2]]]
(bg:black)[It's a miserable day in Aylesbury, but that's never stopped Football before, *especially* not in Aylesbury. ]
(bg:black)[That famous Aylesbury pride is what led to the infamous 1940 home game, where the match between Aylesbury FC and The Guilford Squirrels persisted into a bombing run by the Luftwaffe, leaving both teams and the famous Aylesbury Stadium completely obliterated before a single goal could be scored.]
(bg:black)[The country recovered, stadiums were rebuilt, and teams were reformed, but the feud between these two great townships has remained unsettled for generations.]
(bg:black)[[[Continue->Kickoff3]]](bg:black)[Until today.]
(set: $GIL to 0) (set: $AYL to 0)
(bg:black)[[[Continue->Character Creation]]](bg:black)[You will now assume the role of several members of both teams, making choices that will guide the outcome of this historic game. Your current player's team will be displayed at the top of the page underneath the current score. Weather you have a particular team in mind to win, just remember:]
(bg:black)[“Stay focused , go after your dreams and keep moving toward your goals.”
— LL Cool J.]
(bg:black)[[[Kick Off->Barry Thrustweather]]](bg:orange)[GIL $GIL] (bg:purple)[AYL $AYL]
(bg:purple)[Aylesbury FC]
(bg:black)[You are Beastmaster Morenho, and it is time to use your ancient magics to call upon the Beasts to aid your teammates.]
(bg:black)[Do you:]
(bg:black)[[[A: Summon the Football Ape.->Summon Ape]]]
(bg:black)[[[B: Call upon The Spiders.->Summon Spiders]]](bg:orange)[GIL $GIL] (bg:purple)[AYL $AYL]
(if:$Spiders is "true")[(text-colour:black)+(bg:grey)[SPIDERS]]
(bg:purple)[Aylesbury FC]
(bg:black)[You are The Football Ape, and Beastmaster Morenho is attempting to convince you to leave after your incredible but unnececery display of violence earlier in the match. ]
(bg:black)[Do you:]
(bg:black)[[[A: Return to your enclosure in the local zoo, your work here is done.->Return]]]
(bg:black)[[[B: Defy your master's wishes, and continue to play football.->More Football]]](bg:orange)[GIL $GIL] (bg:purple)[AYL $AYL]
(if:$Spiders is "true")[(text-colour:black)+(bg:grey)[SPIDERS]]
(bg:orange)[Guilford Squirrels]
(bg:black)[You are Danny Milthorpe and you are extremely allergic to spiders.]
(bg:black)[Do you:]
(bg:black)[[[A: Panic, because of all the spiders. Oh god. There's so many. What the fuck. This is awful. Why did this have to happen. Jesus Christ.->Panic]]]
(bg:black)[[[B: Get over it.->Get Over It]]](bg:black)[You decide that it is time to overcome this crippling personal failure, and get rid of your spiders alergy. By microdosing on the smaller specimins(eating a shitload of small spiders), you slowly increase your immunity until you are able to withstand(eat) larger and larger arachnids. Finally, you are able to live among(stuff your face full of) even the most terrifying australian breeds. Terrified by your display of raw fortitude, the spiders skitter out of the arena en-masse.]
(text-colour:black)+(bg:grey)[THE PITCH HAS BEEN CURED OF SPIDERS]
(set: $Spiders to "false")
(text-colour:black)+(bg:white)[GOALS:]
(bg:orange)[GIL +3]
(set: $GIL to it + 3)
(bg:black)[[[Continue->Star Player]]](bg:black)[Oh god. Fuck. Shit. Fucking hell. Jesus christ. What the fuck. This sucks. Fuck off with this. Christ alive. Arse. Fuck this. Who does this shit? Jesus H Christ. Shitting hell. Fuck. This is the worst. I hate this so much. Shit. Bollocks. What the ACTUAL fuck. Why.]
(text-colour:black)+(bg:white)[SHIT:]
(bg:purple)[FUCKING +HELL]
(set: $AYL to it + 1)
(bg:black)[[[JESUS CHRIST->Star Player]]](bg:black)["COME FORTH, AVATAR OF THE GENTLEMAN'S GAME, FURY OF THE ANCIENT STRIKERS, LEND US YOUR STRENGTH!!!"]
(bg:black)[In an enclosure in the not-really-nearby-but-close-enough Whipsnade Zoo, The Football Ape awakens. Just like you, his is a proud lineage. A lineage of Football Apes. And today, he will heed the call. ]
(bg:black)[Grabbing the keys to his Ford Puma, he sets off on the roughly 30 minute journey to Aylesbury stadium. Guilford score 3 goals during your ritual.]
(text-colour:black)+(bg:white)[GOALS:]
(bg:orange)[GIL + 3]
(set: $GIL to it + 3) (set: $FootballApe to "true")
(bg:black)[[[Continue->Horace Bucktrout]]](bg:black)["O' HORDES OF NOBLE ARTHROPODS, RISE FROM YOUR HIDDEN HOMES, LEND US YOUR STRENGTH!!! LET THE PITCH RUN BLACK WITH HAIRY CARAPACE!!!"]
(bg:black)[From every nook and cranny of the Aylesbury stadium, thousands upon thousands of spiders rush forth like a stream of hairy water. Every inch of the pitch and seats is now coated with a pulsating layer of spiders, weaving between the blades of grass and crawling up and down the goalposts. The players are unfazed, and play continues as normal.]
(text-colour:black)+(bg:grey)[THE PITCH IS NOW COVERED IN SPIDERS]
(set: $Spiders to "true")
(text-colour:black)+(bg:white)[GOALS:]
(bg:black)[NONE]
(bg:black)[[[Continue->Horace Bucktrout]]](bg:orange)[GIL $GIL] (bg:purple)[AYL $AYL]
(bg:orange)[Guilford Squirrels]
(bg:black)[You are Terry Handballs and you are on your final warning.]
(bg:black)[Do you:]
(bg:black)[[[A: Resist your primal urges, do not hand the ball.->Don't Hand Ball]]]
(text-style:"bold","shudder")+(bg:black)[[[B: Hand that fucking ball.->Hand Ball]]](bg:black)[You resist your primal urges and keep your hands firmly by your side. You can do this. It's FOOT Ball. You use FOOT. Just imagine your feet are like really big weird hands, with tiny little stub fingers that you CAN'T use to hold the ball, you can't do that, that's not allowed. No. Stop. Stop taking your foot out of your boot. Stop that. Why aren't you wearing socks? Stop it. You're just going to fall over and knock yourself-]
(text-colour:black)+(bg:white)[GOALS:]
(bg:purple)[AYL +2]
(set: $AYL to it +2)
(bg:black)[[[Continue->Beastmaster Morenho]]](bg:black)[You are Terry Fucking Handballs, and you'll be damned if you aren't gonna hand that fucking ball. You put your whole palms into a two handed grasp and raise the ball aloft, screaming defiantly at the heavens. As the sniper bullet peirces your skull, your final thoughts are a blissful sense of self-fulfillment. You die at peace.]
(text-colour:black)+(bg:white)[GOALS:]
(bg:orange)[GIL + 3]
(set: $GIL to it +3)
(bg:black)[[[Continue->Beastmaster Morenho]]](bg:orange)[GIL $GIL] (bg:purple)[AYL $AYL]
(if:$Spiders is "true")[(text-colour:black)+(bg:grey)[SPIDERS]]
(bg:orange)[Guilford Squirrels]
(bg:black)[You are Guilford Squirrels' central midfielder and notorious serial killer Andrew Morgaine.]
(bg:black)[Do you:]
(bg:black)[[[A: Lay low, you're pretty sure that sexy detective on the other team is on to you.->Lay Low]]]
(bg:black)[[[B: Kill again.->Kill Again]]](bg:orange)[GIL $GIL] (bg:purple)[AYL $AYL]
(if:$Spiders is "true")[(text-colour:black)+(bg:grey)[SPIDERS]]
(bg:purple)[Aylesbury FC]
(bg:black)[The ball comes to a stop beneath your waiting boot. The wind ruffles your brown trenchcoat, and you take a hand from your pocket to steady your trilby. You take a drag of your cigarette, 6th of the day, the smoke drifting upwards into the city smog. You are Stig Grimsby, Football Detective, and you are on a case. Someone has been murdered in every game the Guilford Squirrels have participated in these past couple of years, and you intend to find out who's behind all this.]
(bg:black)[Do you:]
(if:$BarryMurder is "true")[(bg:black)[[[A: Investigate Barry Thrustweather, he seems a little too well put together for a trained professional like you to trust.->Accuse Barry(Murder)]]]](else:)[(bg:black)[[[A: Investigate Barry Thrustweather, he seems a little too well put together for a trained professional like you to trust.->Accuse Barry(No Murder)]]]]
(if:$AndrewMurder is "true")[(bg:black)[[[B: Investigate Andrew Morgaine, perhaps his incredible good looks and charming personality are hiding a sinister truth.->Accuse Andrew(Murder)]]]](else:)[(bg:black)[[[B: Investigate Andrew Morgaine, perhaps his incredible good looks and charming personality are hiding a sinister truth.->Accuse Andrew(No Murder)]]]](bg:orange)[GIL $GIL] (bg:purple)[AYL $AYL]
(bg:orange)[Guilford Squirrels]
(bg:black)[You are Barry Thrustweather, and you were attacked by an evil hypnotist in the locker room who made you forget what football is.]
(bg:black)[Do you:]
(bg:black)[[[A: Attempt to reverse engineer the rules of football by watching the other players.->Reverse Engineer]]]
(bg:black)[[[B: Assume that it can't be much different from the only other sport you still remember the rules for, Wife Carrying.->Wife Carrying]]](bg:black)[You produce a Wife from your back pocket and sling her over your shoulder, making a lap around the pitch and vaulting over benched players, and wondering weather or not that black and white ball is important somehow. But your fears are unfounded, as the referee concludes that your performance is worth 2 goals for Guilford.]
(text-colour:black)+(bg:white)[GOALS:]
(bg:orange)[GIL + 2]
(set: $GIL to it + 2)
(bg:black)[[[Continue->Pope Ronaldo IV]]](bg:black)[From what you can observe, this game is about trying to catch something, some sort of animal maybe? Dog? Fox? Deducing that this is hunting sport, you create an improvised javelin using some grass, the elastic in your shorts, and a nearby javelin, and huck it in the direction of the animal, impaling a teammate and earning Guilford a 3 goal penalty.]
(set: $DannyMurder to "true")
(text-colour:black)+(bg:white)[GOALS:]
(bg:orange)[GIL -3]
(set: $GIL to it - 3)
(bg:black)[[[Continue->Pope Ronaldo IV]]](bg:orange)[GIL $GIL] (bg:purple)[AYL $AYL]
(if:$Spiders is "true")[(text-colour:black)+(bg:grey)[SPIDERS]]
(bg:orange)[Guilford Squirrels]
(bg:black)[You are Horace Bucktrout and you are making eggs.]
(bg:black)[Do you:]
(bg:black)[[[A: Sunny side up.->Sunny Side Up]]]
(bg:black)[[[B: Over easy.->Over Easy]]](bg:black)[You make your eggs over easy and enjoy a lovely breakfast of eggs on toast. You remember that you were supposed to play Football today. Turning on the TV, you see Guilford score a goal. You decide that, somehow, you did this.]
(text-colour:black)+(bg:white)[GOALS:]
(bg:orange)[GIL +1]
(set: $GIL to it + 1)
(bg:black)[[[Continue->Jim Dunfield]]](bg:black)[You make your eggs sunny side up and enjoy an uninspiring breakfast of eggs on toast. You remember that you were supposed to play Football today. Turning on the TV, you see Aylesbury score a goal. This was probably your fault. ]
(text-colour:black)+(bg:white)[GOALS:]
(bg:purple)[AYL +1]
(set: $AYL to it + 1)
(bg:black)[[[Continue->Jim Dunfield]]](bg:orange)[GIL $GIL] (bg:purple)[AYL $AYL]
(if:$Spiders is "true")[(text-colour:black)+(bg:grey)[SPIDERS]]
(bg:purple)[Aylesbury FC]
(bg:black)[You are Alfred Birchwhistle, and you are at least 50 years too old to be playing Football.]
(bg:black)[Do you:]
(if:$FootballApe is "true")[(bg:black)[[[A: Shatter every bone in your body->Football Ape Arrives]]]](else:)[(bg:black)[[[A: Shatter every bone in your body->Chosen One]]]]
(if:$FootballApe is "true")[(bg:black)[[[B: Have a heart attack->Football Ape Arrives]]]](else:)[(bg:black)[[[B: Have a heart attack->Chosen One]]]](bg:orange)[GIL $GIL] (bg:purple)[AYL $AYL]
(bg:purple)[Aylesbury FC]
(bg:black)[You are Pope Ronaldo IV, and you forgot to consecrate the pitch this morning. ]
(bg:black)[Do you:]
(bg:black)[[[A: Perform a quick and dirty Field Consecreation.->Consecrate]]]
(bg:black)[[[B: Declare the match Sacreligious and denounce all the players as Heathens->Heathens]]](bg:black)[In an effort to save face, you pull up your cassock and angrily storm off the pitch, screaming about how this match has NOT been sanctioned by God, and that none of the other players will make it to his kingdom with behavior like this. The F.A. takes this as a resignation, and black smoke bellows from the Aylesbury Stadium chimney to signify that a new Football Pope is being selected.]
(text-colour:black)+(bg:white)[NEW POPE INCOMING]
(set: $NewPope to "true")
(text-colour:black)+(bg:white)[GOALS:]
(bg:black)[NONE]
(bg:black)[[[Continue->Terry Handballs]]](bg:black)[You hastily assemble an altar out of a nearby bench and try to recite the holy words from memory, but in your haste you keep stumbling over the scripture. You accidentally baptise the referee, excommunicate a groundskeeper, and grant a Holy Goal to Guilford. This is going to take a while. ]
(text-colour:black)+(bg:white)[GOALS:]
(bg:orange)[GIL +1]
(set: $GIL to it +1)
(bg:black)[[[Continue->Terry Handballs]]](bg:orange)[GIL $GIL] (bg:purple)[AYL $AYL]
(if:$Spiders is "true")[(text-colour:black)+(bg:grey)[SPIDERS]]
(bg:purple)[Aylesbury FC]
(bg:black)[You are Jim Dunfield, and your wife left you this morning.]
(bg:black)[Do you:]
(bg:black)[[[A: Gaze longingly at a photo of your ex-wife->Gaze Longingly]]]
(if:$NewPope is "true")[(bg:black)[[[B: Seek counsil in The Lord->Find God(New Pope)]]]](else:)[(bg:black)[[[B: Seek counsil in The Lord->Find God(Old Pope)]]]](bg:black)[You pull open up the heart shaped locket hanging from your neck and gaze mournfully at the photo of your wife, a single tear running down your cheek. Where did it all go wrong? Having explored this avenue of greif, you decide to turn to God for answers. ]
(if:$NewPope is "true")[(bg:black)[[[Continue->Find God(New Pope)]]]](else:)[(bg:black)[[[Continue->Find God(Old Pope)]]]](bg:black)[Seeking out Pope Ronaldo IV for advice, you find his makeshift pulpit under siege by Holy Warriors. It seems that an accidental religious order to prevent Dogs from becoming Bishops has resulted in a Schism, and a Holy War has been delcared in the name of theoretical Dog Bishops. Seeing your chance for a new purpose, you join the cause of the Anti-Pope(One of the dogs that played Air Bud) as a Templar, fighting in the name of the New Order.]
(text-colour:black)+(bg:white)[GOALS:]
(bg:orange)[GIL+2]
(set: $GIL to it + 2)
(bg:black)[[[Continue->Andrew Morgaine]]](text-colour:black)+(bg:white)[NEW POPE COMPLETE]
(bg:black)[You see that the smoke from the stadium chimney has turned white, signaling the election of a new Football Pope. Moments later, the Popemobile bursts through the Aylesbury players entrance and skids to a halt by the benches, and the sexy new Pope steps out on to the pitch. Figuring that this is as good a time as any to find religious purpose, you approach him and ask for his advice.]
(bg:black)["Don't even worry about it man, all you need is Football and Jesus. Here, check this shit out." ]
(bg:black)[He dons a pair of holy gold sunglasses and scores 5 points for Aylesbury. You feel invigorated with new purpose.]
(text-colour:black)+(bg:white)[GOALS:]
(bg:purple)[AYL +5]
(set: $AYL to it + 5)
(bg:black)[[[Continue->Andrew Morgaine]]](bg:black)[Before you can even decide on how to hospitalise yourself, you are catapulted into the air by a Ford Puma going 43mph through the Aylesbury players entrance. It is The Football Ape, arrived at last, and ready to play some fucking football.]
(bg:black)[As you are carried away on a stretcher, you watch The Football Ape rage across the grassy battlefield, killing and maiming players on both teams in pursuit of glory for Aylesbury. The pitch runs red with the blood of its enemies. You once again dream of retirement. ]
(bg:purple)[AYL +5]
(set: $AYL to it + 5)
(bg:black)[[[Continue->Hypnodisk]]](bg:black)[You play it cool. You've done plenty of murders so far. Bide your time. Let that hot detective prance about all sexy like for a while longer. Hell. Throw him off the trail a bit. Score a cheeky point for his team. Make him think you're on his side. Put on a whole show of having hurt your foot too, get a bit of sympathy. I bet you could even convince him you have a concussion if he hears you say something like, "Sorry lads, what were the rules again? Boy this game is really making my head spin!" Another brilliant plan. He's not catching you today.]
(text-colour:black)+(bg:white)[GOALS:]
(bg:purple)[AYL +1]
(set: $AYL to it + 1)
(bg:black)[[[Continue->Alfred Birchwhistle]]](bg:black)[Figuring that there's not much reason to stop now, you turn to the nearest player and jam your signature switchblade between their shoulders. God you love killing. This is great. You're so good at this. That sexy detective doesn't know shit. There's no way this could possibly bite you in the arse.]
(set: $AndrewMurder to "true")
(text-colour:black)+(bg:white)[GOALS:]
(bg:orange)[GIL +1]
(set: $GIL to it + 1)
(bg:black)[[[Continue->Alfred Birchwhistle]]](bg:orange)[GIL $GIL] (bg:purple)[AYL $AYL]
(if:$Spiders is "true")[(text-colour:black)+(bg:grey)[SPIDERS]]
(bg:orange)[Guilford Squirrels]
(bg:black)[You are former Robot Wars contestant turned Guilford Squirrels midfielder Hypnodisk.]
(bg:black)[Do you:]
(bg:black)[[[A: Use your rotating disk to attack enemy players.->Disk]]]
(bg:black)[[[B: Activate one of the pitch hazards.->Hazard]]](bg:black)[Satisfied with the amount of Football you have done, you dutifully follow your master's orders and get back into your Ford Puma for the drive home. But before you drive away, you remember that the most recent agreement reached by the Summoned Animals Union states that you are still entitled to compensation when you are dismissed early.]
(bg:black)[Enraged by your master's refusal to pay his invoice, you turn the car around and score 2 goals for the Squirrels out of spite. Don't fuck with Union Men.]
(bg:orange)[GIL +2]
(set: $GIL to it + 2)
(bg:black)[[[Continue->Star Player]]](bg:black)[You effortlessly toss Beastmaster Morenho aside like a sack of footballs and resume playing Football, scoring a great many more goals for Aylesbury and leaving an even greater number of casualties in your wake. But to you, this does not matter. You are the Football Ape. And this is your duty. ]
(bg:black)[You continue scoring goals until Animal Control finally manages to subdue you with an alarming number of elephant grade tranquiliser darts. Satisfied with your performance, you sleep soundly, dreaming of Football. ]
(text-colour:black)+(bg:white)[GOALS:]
(bg:purple)[AYL +11]
(set: $AYL to it + 11)
(bg:black)[[[Continue->Star Player]]](bg:black)[You attempt to knock out the legs of several Aylesbury players who are unfortunately able to outpace your tiny robot wheels. Seeing your intention, Referee and former House Robot Sir Killalot grabs you with it's iron claw and dumps you into the Pit of Oblivion for your un-sports-robot-like behavior, earning Guilford a penalty.]
(bg:orange)[GIL -1]
(set: $GIL to it - 1)
(bg:black)[[[Continue->Stig Grimsby]]](bg:black)[You drive to the edge of the pitch and slam into the yellow tire that activates the Flame Pit, roasting an Aylesbury defender(if:$Spiders is "true")[ and a load of spiders] with jets of ignited C02. You cannot smell the burning flesh. Perhaps this is why your kind should not fight human wars.]
(bg:orange)[GIL +1]
(set: $GIL to it + 1)
(bg:black)[[[Continue->Stig Grimsby]]](bg:black)[Alas, your suspicions were ill-founded. The only thing Barry Thrustweather is guilty of is loving his Wife, who has returned to his pocket following his victory in the unexpected Wife Carrying round of the match. However, while the murderer remains at large, Barry's testimony leads to the arrest of an equally notorious Evil Hypnotist, who was hiding in a locker in the away team changing rooms. Taking the wins where you can get 'em, you accept another medal for your collection, and assume you'll catch the killer some other day.]
(text-colour:black)+(bg:white)[GOALS:]
(bg:purple)[AYL +2]
(set: $AYL to it + 2)
(if:$FootballApe is "true")[(bg:black)[[[Continue->The Football Ape]]]](else:)[(bg:black)[[[Continue->Danny Milthorpe]]]](bg:black)[Unfortunately, despite your keen investigative eyes, you havent seen Andrew Morgaine do anything resembling a murder during this match. However, you DID just see him score a goal for your team, fall over in pain and tell everyone around him he doesn't know what football is. Figuring you may as well cash whatever check you can get, you have him arrested for the crime of "being bad at Football", and go home to smoke more cigarettes and ponder your tragic past.]
(text-colour:black)+(bg:white)[GOALS:]
(bg:purple)[AYL +1]
(set: $AYL to it + 1)
(if:$FootballApe is "true")[(bg:black)[[[Continue->The Football Ape]]]](else:)[(bg:black)[[[Continue->Danny Milthorpe]]]](bg:black)(bg:black)[Having witnessed Barry Thrustweather impale a teammate with an improvised Javelin, you feel you have reason enough to add him to the suspects list. After all, the previous victims were all stabbed, and a javelin is a sort of ranged stabbing. A brief interview dashes these hopes however, instead leading to the arrest of an equally notorious Evil Hypnotist, who was hiding in a locker in the away team changing rooms. Taking the wins where you can get 'em, you accept another medal for your collection, and assume you'll catch the killer some other day.]
(text-colour:black)+(bg:white)[GOALS:]
(bg:purple)[AYL +2]
(set: $AYL to it + 2)
(if:$FootballApe is "true")[(bg:black)[[[Continue->The Football Ape]]]](else:)[(bg:black)[[[Continue->Danny Milthorpe]]]](bg:black)[You gather up the clues. Andrew's on the team, he's at every Squirrels game. He's been a suspect every time, but every time you did interviews he always had some sort of excuse, like having a dinner party to attend, or being sick with "Football Flu". And also, you just saw him stab a guy with a knife, which is EXACTLY how the other victims were killed. ]
(bg:black)[With the case cracked wide open, all that's left is to dispense justice. You pull out your Football Pistol from your trenchcoat and shoot Andrew Morgaine directly in the head. Satisfied that the game is now safe, you disapear into a nearby alleyway. Another case solved.]
(text-colour:black)+(bg:white)[GOALS:]
(bg:purple)[AYL +4]
(set: $AYL to it + 4)
(if:$FootballApe is "true")[(bg:black)[[[Continue->The Football Ape]]]](else:)[(bg:black)[[[Continue->Danny Milthorpe]]]](bg:black)[CREATE YOUR STAR PLAYER]
(bg:black)[NAME]
(input-box:2bind $PlayerName,"===XXXXXXXXXXXXXX===",1,"Charlie Footballs")
(bg:black)[TEAM]
(dropdown: 2bind $PlayerTeam,"Aylesbury FC","The Guilford Squirrels")
(bg:black)[[[Continue->Kickoff4]]](bg:black)[This is it. It all comes down to this. One final player. One last stretch. The fate of Football, or at least this specific match, will be decided by the actions of one illustrious player. ]
(bg:black)[It is the moment that the Football world has been waiting for.]
(bg:black)[[[Continue->Star Player 2]]](bg:orange)[GIL $GIL] (bg:purple)[AYL $AYL]
(if:$Spiders is "true")[(text-colour:black)+(bg:grey)[SPIDERS]]
(if:$PlayerTeam is "The Guilford Squirrels")[(bg:orange)[Guilford Squirrels]]
(if:$PlayerTeam is "Aylesbury FC")[(bg:purple)[Aylesbury FC]]
(bg:black)[You are $PlayerName, Star Player for $PlayerTeam, and the path is clear for you to strike. There are no obsticles in your way to prevent you from scoring the goals your team needs to win. The only question is...]
(bg:black)[Do you:]
(bg:black)[[[A: Score 100 points for $PlayerTeam.->100 Points]]]
(bg:black)[[[B: Fuck it all into the bin.->Bin]]](bg:black)[With the elegance and grace of a ballerina, and the brutal efficiency of a Navy SEAL, you perform Football feats that no human could ever imagine. So incredible are your manouvers, that no artist could ever dream of depicting them. The poets dare not try and find the words for what you did today, for fear that they will alter the very fabric of modern parlance, or go mad in pursuit of unknowable language. ]
(bg:black)[Your performance doesn't just earn 100 goals for $PlayerTeam, but serves as a full stop to the game of Football. Satisified that the peak of the sport has been reached, no further games are played. The world finds peace.]
(text-colour:black)+(bg:white)[GOALS:]
(if:$PlayerTeam is "Aylesbury FC")[(bg:purple)[AYL +100]](else:)[(bg:orange)[GIL +100]]
(if:$PlayerTeam is "Aylesbury FC")[(set: $AYL to it + 100)](else:)[(set: $GIL to it + 100)]
(bg:black)[[[Final Scores->Final Scores]]](bg:black)[Deciding that you've had enough of this rubbish game, and that the outcome is ultimately meaningless to you, you use your incredible Football prowess to boot the ball completely out of the stadium and into a public bin. The stadium goes silent. The crowd, the players, the commentators, they all stop to consider what you have done.]
(bg:black)["They're right", they all think in their respective languages. "This game IS silly, and we really SHOULD be devoting our energies elsewhere."]
(bg:black)[The world agrees that this is as good an ending as could have been written for the sport. The scores are tallied, but ultimately, the winner does not matter. Just trivia for the history books. With a resounding final note, Football is over. ]
(bg:black)[[[Final Scores->Final Scores]]](bg:black)[Before you can even decide on how to hospitalise yourself, you meet the gaze of a particularly large spider, standing amidst it's variably sized bretheren that cover every inch of the pitch. It is an old spider, you can tell. It's fur is graying, it's eyes are wize, and one of it's eight legs rests on a gnarled cane, made from a tree branch. To your surprise, you hear it's voice, echoing in your head.]
(text-style:"bold","shudder")+(bg:black)["You have been chosen."]
(bg:black)[The mass of spiders begins to converge at your feet, the arthropodic horde moving to envelop your body. You do not resist. You are calm. You accept your fate. With your arms wide, you fall backwards into their many legged embrace, enveloped completely by your newfound kin. When the mound dissipates, you are gone. And you are never seen again.]
(text-colour:black)+(bg:white)[GOALS:]
(bg:orange)[GIL +2]
(set: $GIL to it + 2)
(bg:black)[[[Continue->Hypnodisk]]](bg:orange)[GIL $GIL] (bg:purple)[AYL $AYL]
(text-colour:black)+(bg:white)[THE END]